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Pandora Sparkling Leaves Ring 190921CZ
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I was pregnant by another man when I got married I had a short fling with a man just before I got married 25 years ago.
My husband and I were divorced after 10 years, and we'd always felt there was something negative between us. I was at least a month pregnant on my wedding day, only I didn't know it at the time. My daughter always sensed the man I married wasn't her father. Finally, I told her the truth: that she reminded me of the man I dated before I was married. We did a DNA test last month, and now we know that the man I married was her stepfather. We contacted her biological father, and I told him that we have a daughter together. He said he wants to meet her, and to see me again, but weeks have gone by and he hasn't called. I am devastated because I would like a relationship with him again. He is a successful businessman, and my daughter is a struggling single mother. When we found out the news about her parentage, I thought her biological father would help her. Indeed, that was the excuse we used when contacting him. Do you think we will hear from him again? How do I handle this? I didn't think I would feel as devastated as I do with this Pandora's Box having been opened, but I am beside myself. If you want to salvage anything from the situation, I recommend a bit of backtracking and a lot of rethinking. Above all, I think you and your daughter need to put yourselves in the shoes of the men in your lives. You need to work out what they might be thinking and feeling if you want to have any kind of relationship with them in the future. If you can't do this, then it is time you learned to think independently and become much more self reliant. There is absolutely no point in brooding over the past, the pandora charm braclets past in which you were pregnant by one man while marrying another. What we are concerned with is the present, and what interests me are the four characters in this drama: yourself, your daughter's biological father, your former husband and your daughter. Actually, I'll make that five people to include your daughter's child; and, come to think of it, a shadowy sixth, the father of your daughter's child. Since you call her a single parent, I assume he is not playing much of a part in your lives. In fact, it seems to me that all the men in your drama are shadowy figures but I would love to know more about them. Let's look at the biological father first. This is a man with whom you had some kind of a relationship, though not so strong as to prevent you marrying somebody else. What strikes me forcibly, and will strike everyone reading this, is that you only sought him out after a very long interval, when you thought he might be able to help your daughter. What were you thinking? Are you really surprised that he hasn't called you back? Let's put ourselves in his shoes. It is most men's nightmare to be called up out of the blue and told that they have an unsuspected child for whom they are now being asked to provide. It's this last bit that is going to ring all his alarm bells. Yes, it is possible for unsuspecting fathers to meet and bond with unsuspected children, even to form good relationships. But you admit that you thought he might help your daughter out. Why should he? You say you are devastated, but I am trying to imagine his state of mind, too. You use the phrase "Pandora's Box". All the troubles of the world flew out of Pandora's Box. Because of the way you have handled it so far, your former lover will have been brooding over where this might end, what future demands might be placed on him, what responsibilities he might suddenly be asked to assume. The forlorn little figure of Hope, who was the last to fly out of Pandora's Box, represents your hope, not his. If he hasn't contacted you, it is very probably because he wants to steer clear of trouble. He has a life of his own, after all. And what of the man you married? I have no picture of him. And yet he brought up your daughter as his own for 10 years. Is there no warm relationship between them? Have you jettisoned the old in hope of a better discount pandora bracelets deal from the new? It sounds as though you have written him out of your lives and pinned all your expectations on a man you haven't seen for over 20 years. I know nothing about your ex husband but I feel rather sorry for him. And as for the lack of response from your former lover, the man you hoped might welcome and save you, I am afraid your hopes were utterly unrealistic. And what are your daughter's feelings? It sounds, from your letter, as though she is trotting along in your wake, writing off a stepfather in the hopes of something better from her biological father. I am sorry that she is struggling as a single parent, but this is where you, as her mother, can be really strong and supportive. You should do this not by searching wildly around for a male rescuer, but by giving her the help she and her child need to become self supporting, with or without a man. Let's look at your feelings of devastation. That is a strong word. My instinct is that you would not have invested so heavily in the hopes of rescue from this relationship if you did not have some earlier history of abandonment. It is quite unrealistic to expect to pick up a 20 year old relationship where it left off. This man is not a knight in shining armour. He is a human being, who has probably had a marriage and children of his own. He is not what he was when you knew him and, even then, it didn't work out. Your devastation stems from a fantasy. I suggest you consider therapy to disentangle your emotions and their true source. If you want to reconnect with this man, and for your daughter to begin to build a relationship with her biological father, your best chances are to backtrack. Cleanse your heart and mind of all expectation and discuss this with your pandora bracelet order online daughter, too. Go back to him. Acknowledge that the way you approached him might have alarmed him. Say you would simply like to establish contact, with no expectations, hope or blame on either side. And let it go. Accept that you might never see him again. In the meantime, I suggest that you and your daughter begin to build independent lives based on the assumption that nobody will come to rescue you from your present situation. It is pandora style beads time to build a mutually supportive life, based on your own abilities to make a living and care for your grandchild.
This would be an honest, realistic way forward. It would lead to something better than a rescue: the calm of self confidence and self respect. What do you think? Is it possible to reconnect with a biological parent after a long gap? Or do you have a completely different problem for me to look at.